How to Handle Conflict

Dear Aamna: Dealing with conflict in general is hard. How does one try to solve conflict without hurting the other party's feelings? It seems like no matter how hard you try to remain casualty-free, someone ends up feeling hurt. Even if the problem is so miniscule, it may mean a lot to the other person. How do I solve conflict, big or small? 

-Anonymous  

Interpersonal conflict is something that can be difficult for anyone to deal with. It can feel like you aren’t being heard, or you aren’t hearing enough, and it can lead to feelings of guilt and indignation. I understand how it can feel like there's no solution, but remember this won’t always be the case. Whenever you approach conflict, emphasize active listening, clear, calm communication, and empathy. Try to understand how the other person feels about the situation and try and let them know how you feel about it. Understanding another’s perspective and demonstrating empathy is extremely important in resolving a conflict. Having insight into your own behavior and knowing when to apologize or take a step back are other important skills that can be hard to learn. However, if you have good intentions and allow for open communication with you and your friends, it gets easier.  

Even if you try all these things, dealing with people who don’t want to hear your perspective can still leave you feeling upset or guilty. One way you can attempt to deal with this is by explaining that you understand why they’re upset and that you want them to do the same for you. If they refuse, then you’ll know that you tried to be understanding and mend things the best you could, and if it didn’t work out, that’s not on you. It’s completely normal to overthink and worry about things not being handled correctly; you’re only human, so you can’t help it. Considering that, though, remember that if you had good intentions, and did what you believed to be right, then you’re not a bad person, and it’s not your fault. Feeling guilty is a sign that you didn’t intend for things to get out of hand, so don’t beat yourself up over it. 

To everyone reading, I hope this helped you in some way or another! It’s tough navigating life as you grow up, but these experiences are what build you as a person later on. Keep doing your best. I am proud of you!